I try to explain things to Nathan, but sometimes he just doesn't get it. Cliche, but men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Men just think differently. I just want to put him inside of my brain and get what I am talking about.
Tonight I told him that what hurts me the most is that he seems to be buddy buddy with his parents. I cannot understand this. (He says he is not.) To me, I see his parents as the 'enemy' for lack of better words. I see him talking & doing things with his parents as betrayal. I don't understand how he can go & do things with them, knowing how horrible they made his wife feel, especially at my all time low with PPD. To me, he is saying that they were right & were okay in saying and doing what they did. He says he doesn't think that it is ok by hanging out with them and talking to them, and he does stick up for me. I never hear him talk to his parents in front of me, so how do I know he is sticking up for me? I am not asking him to stop seeing his parents, but I am asking to hear him stick up for me. Once I hear it, I'll be able to understand it a little more. He says it's awkward talking to his parents in front of me, and vice virsa. I would LOVE to hear him talk to his parents in front of me, maybe I'd be able to understand their relationship more. If I heard N stand up for me, I'd feel SO much better. I told him I can't believe in what I don't hear. Yes, I believe he sticks up for me, but I know how much his parents talk and butt in so that he can't even get a word out. His parents talk and talk and talk and he doesn't even get a chance to talk... let alone defend me.
The only thing that makes sense to me is that:
a) He is not defending me
b) He knows his parents won't let him get a word in, so he doesn't want me to hear them interrupt him 100 times.
c) His parents will say a million mean things about me or him, and he doesn't want me to hear it.
It's past 1 a.m. and I can't sleep. Anyone with a brain knows that is NOT good, especially for PPD. I've had such a shitty day.... I can't stop crying. Bad bad day.
N's Mom told him she could barely sleep. Yeah woman. Play the victim. Try that on top of PPD and then we'll talk. Until then, you got nothin on me.
Goodbye.
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Katie, I'm so sorry your going through all of this. :( I'm sorry Nathan's parents are the way they are, and Nathan buddies up with them. I can relate, unfortunately. :(
ReplyDeleteCheck out my blog about "breathing exercises", I think it'd help you out A LOT. :)
I just found your blog from BBC this morning & I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm going through something very similar (if not identical). I struggle with the same feelings between my husband & his parents & I don't understand why he doesn't get as angry as I do for the way they treat me (specifically MIL).
ReplyDeleteI also just started treatment for PPA (which has a lot to do with my IL's). I wish I could say something other than "I understand how you feel". I'm definitely going to keep up with your blog.
I don't get why he doesn't get as angry as I am either... he's the one that has to deal with my crankiness when they make me angry! He tries to please everyone and keep the peace but there is no peace to protect now, lol! Sometimes I wonder if there are cameras following me around because I think this would make a crazy TV series at times, ha!
ReplyDeleteI am going to try the breathing exercises, thanks Megan!