Wow! The my birthday and Christmas flew by so fast! I finally have a chance to post now that I am home and back into the swing of things. The girls are back to their routine which is always good.
The holidays went GREAT! I can't believe I am saying that! They went so smooth & awesome, everything worked out lovely. I was SO anxious on Christmas Eve when Nathan was at his parents house, but I kept busy and I had a great time seeing Christmas lights & spending time with my family, and of course shopping. The one thing that was a little awkward was when Nathan was at his parents house for Christmas Eve, Nathan was saying his good-byes to his family... and his dad disappeared. He didn't say bye, didn't call, didn't text... nothing. I think this is extremely shitty... why the hell wouldn't you say good-bye to your son on Christmas Eve?! They haven't talked since then. It just is not fair to Nathan. He didn't do anything wrong and he's in the middle of all of this. I guess it just proves my point even more... that is the type of people they are. Oh well... I guess. Can't change them!
Now that Christmas is over I feel a huge sense of relief! I am SO glad it went smoothly and there were not fights. No blow ups, I can't believe it! I kind of am still waiting for some sort of aftermath of it all. Well, at least they didn't ruin our Christmas! I feel like 10,000 pounds have just been lifted off of my shoulders, and that feels so refreshing.
A little before Christmas my Dr. and I upped my dose of Wellbutrin SR to 200mg. I think this may be the right dose for me! It's hard to tell though, because now the holiday stress is gone, so it could be that or the increase in dose, or both. I can't really describe how I feel right now. Happy, excited, relief, refreshed, I can't remember the last time I felt those feelings. It helps that the girls got a crapload of new toys too... I am having so much fun playing with their new toys with them, and reading their new books, it's all so much fun. I'd rather give them stuff than buy stuff for myself, because when they get new things I get excited too. Something about that childhood innocent excitement and fun... I just love it!
A little drawback- I feel like my muscle relaxers are doing nothing for me. At first I only took one a day, then two a day, and now I'm going to try three a day. I hope they work for me, my back pain is rediculous!
I really hope these feelings stay. I'm feeling so good right now. No drama, no worries, no holiday stress. It's peaceful and calm, just how I like it!
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Bah Humbug!
Nathan and I were talking yesterday, and one thing really bothered me. His parents are upset that he's doing Christmas with my family. UM, HELLO! They have been nothing but 100% supportive to us through everything. They are jealous because we are doing Christmas with my family! They should be, they screwed up big time!!! They blew their chance at having a family fun filled Christmas. That's what happens when you call your daughter-in-law names and criticize how she does things. She burned a VERY important bridge. Not my fault. This isn't the first time either... Two Christmases ago she freaked out on Nathan and I because she didn't know how to share her son for the holidays. She also has freaked out on Nathan's sisters on different occasions before this. Notice a pattern here... yeah. I do not take that kind of bullshit from people, family or otherwise. I am not the type of person to put myself in a situation where I will get slapped across the face time and time again. No way. Not how I live. I am SO proud of myself for that. I stand up for the way that I should be treated.
More importantly this once again proves my point that they have NOT changed. Number one, because if they knew ANYTHING about postpartum depression, they would know that SUPPORT IS KEY! Surrounding myself with SUPPORTIVE family and friends is what I absolutely have to do to make myself better. Do they not want me better? Do they want me to suffer longer? They feel since they are not able to have a Christmas with the girls, that my parents shouldn't too. Number two, my parents didn't do anything to Nathan or I. They didn't say cruel things to Nathan or I. They didn't criticize Nathan or myself.
What I want more than ever is to have a peaceful (HAHAHAHAHA! Is that possible?!) Christmas. I would LOVE for Nathan to come to my parent's house Christmas Eve night and have him be in a great mood. I don't want his parents to make him feel like crap or feel like a bad son. His Mom once said, "What are your intentions? What can I expect from you?" I can't believe she said that. Nathan is not her servant, he doesn't owe her anything. Of course he loves her! I cannot imagine talking to my children that way. I feel bad for Nathan. N's Mom has had a hard time letting go of her youngest child, Nathan. I wanna be like... cut the cord woman! He's married, he has a family of his own. Priorities change when you are married and have kids of your own.
The counselor that Nathan & I last saw told Nathan that I was full of anger. Yes, I am. And...? I have EVERY right to be! When I was trying to divulge my feelings to Nathan's Mom, she attacked me. Nathan told her to stop, and she didn't. She didn't know when to shut her mouth. She ended up saying VERY hurtful things, attacked my parenting, and basically later on Nathan's Dad and her threatened Nathan with money. I swear she didn't want us to get married. She was like, "Nathan never sees his friends anymore." SERIOUSLY WOMAN?!?!?!?!?! I LIVE TWO HOURS AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS! You are going to say he doesn't see his friends?! Wow. She had NO logic behind that. She was just having vomit of the mouth and spewing whatever she could to get Nathan not to marry me. People have kids, they see their friends less. Hello... that's part of parenting. Nathan NEVER brought it up to me that he didn't get to see his friends enough, and then his Mom says that?! The audacity! Oh- I don't think I mentioned that his Mom accused me of stealing things from her! LOL!!! Nathan TOLD ME to pack up EVERYTHING from the kitchen. (We lived in their guest apartment in their house.) I said, "Are you sure, everything?" and Nathan said, "Yup, that's what she said!" So, naturally, I did was I was told. I packed up everything, then Nathan's Mom leaves him a nice little voicemail saying "*insert my name here* stole my dishes! She also took..." and then listed off some things. I seriously think she is scenial sometimes! She also denied saying things to me at Christmas 2 years ago. She says horribly mean things, then she denies them when she is confronted about them! That's enough to drive a person up the wall.
So I am angry. I have a right to be. I have my good & bad days. Sometimes I am so furious with them because they screwed us over on so many levels. Financially, emotionally, etc. Then, there are days when I think, 'Wow, their loss. Look where they got themselves now. Hope it was worth it. Hope all of that bribing with money, name calling, harsh words, and LYING was worth losing part of their family.'
Is it too much to ask for the holidays to be un-eventful? I have a really bad feeling that Nathan's Mom is going to ruin his Christmas Eve with them... I hope not, for Nathan's sake of course. He doesn't deserve that one bit. He's too sweet, he does not need any more stress. I just have a feeling that since her Christmas isn't going to be how she wants it, that she is going to try & ruin mine... meaning my family's Christmas with Nathan & the girls.
I'm going to talk with N about it now. I want to make sure that we have a GREAT Christmas. I want him to walk into the door & try to leave any baggage behind from his Mom. Once he gets into my parent's house, it's a new Christmas for him. That one will NOT be ruined! I will not let that woman ruin another Christmas. My girls deserve for both of their parents to be 100% during the most fun holiday of the year!
More importantly this once again proves my point that they have NOT changed. Number one, because if they knew ANYTHING about postpartum depression, they would know that SUPPORT IS KEY! Surrounding myself with SUPPORTIVE family and friends is what I absolutely have to do to make myself better. Do they not want me better? Do they want me to suffer longer? They feel since they are not able to have a Christmas with the girls, that my parents shouldn't too. Number two, my parents didn't do anything to Nathan or I. They didn't say cruel things to Nathan or I. They didn't criticize Nathan or myself.
What I want more than ever is to have a peaceful (HAHAHAHAHA! Is that possible?!) Christmas. I would LOVE for Nathan to come to my parent's house Christmas Eve night and have him be in a great mood. I don't want his parents to make him feel like crap or feel like a bad son. His Mom once said, "What are your intentions? What can I expect from you?" I can't believe she said that. Nathan is not her servant, he doesn't owe her anything. Of course he loves her! I cannot imagine talking to my children that way. I feel bad for Nathan. N's Mom has had a hard time letting go of her youngest child, Nathan. I wanna be like... cut the cord woman! He's married, he has a family of his own. Priorities change when you are married and have kids of your own.
The counselor that Nathan & I last saw told Nathan that I was full of anger. Yes, I am. And...? I have EVERY right to be! When I was trying to divulge my feelings to Nathan's Mom, she attacked me. Nathan told her to stop, and she didn't. She didn't know when to shut her mouth. She ended up saying VERY hurtful things, attacked my parenting, and basically later on Nathan's Dad and her threatened Nathan with money. I swear she didn't want us to get married. She was like, "Nathan never sees his friends anymore." SERIOUSLY WOMAN?!?!?!?!?! I LIVE TWO HOURS AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS! You are going to say he doesn't see his friends?! Wow. She had NO logic behind that. She was just having vomit of the mouth and spewing whatever she could to get Nathan not to marry me. People have kids, they see their friends less. Hello... that's part of parenting. Nathan NEVER brought it up to me that he didn't get to see his friends enough, and then his Mom says that?! The audacity! Oh- I don't think I mentioned that his Mom accused me of stealing things from her! LOL!!! Nathan TOLD ME to pack up EVERYTHING from the kitchen. (We lived in their guest apartment in their house.) I said, "Are you sure, everything?" and Nathan said, "Yup, that's what she said!" So, naturally, I did was I was told. I packed up everything, then Nathan's Mom leaves him a nice little voicemail saying "*insert my name here* stole my dishes! She also took..." and then listed off some things. I seriously think she is scenial sometimes! She also denied saying things to me at Christmas 2 years ago. She says horribly mean things, then she denies them when she is confronted about them! That's enough to drive a person up the wall.
So I am angry. I have a right to be. I have my good & bad days. Sometimes I am so furious with them because they screwed us over on so many levels. Financially, emotionally, etc. Then, there are days when I think, 'Wow, their loss. Look where they got themselves now. Hope it was worth it. Hope all of that bribing with money, name calling, harsh words, and LYING was worth losing part of their family.'
Is it too much to ask for the holidays to be un-eventful? I have a really bad feeling that Nathan's Mom is going to ruin his Christmas Eve with them... I hope not, for Nathan's sake of course. He doesn't deserve that one bit. He's too sweet, he does not need any more stress. I just have a feeling that since her Christmas isn't going to be how she wants it, that she is going to try & ruin mine... meaning my family's Christmas with Nathan & the girls.
I'm going to talk with N about it now. I want to make sure that we have a GREAT Christmas. I want him to walk into the door & try to leave any baggage behind from his Mom. Once he gets into my parent's house, it's a new Christmas for him. That one will NOT be ruined! I will not let that woman ruin another Christmas. My girls deserve for both of their parents to be 100% during the most fun holiday of the year!
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